Negative cytology, and the "New Normal."

Dad drove me in to MD Anderson today for my mammogram (first ever) and ultrasound today.  Happily, Max slept for most of the trip in and out.  

Here he is dumping one of their puzzles all over the floor.  At the cancer center Max has to be signed in as an "official visitor," and we have to verify that he hasn't been running fever or anything.  I had a mammogram today (which I found not uncomfortable in the least, despite rumors), and an ultrasound of both breasts.  The ultrasound wasn't painful, of course -- till they decided to stick needles in!  They pulled some fluid out of a galactocele and a lymph node in my right breast and armpit.  Within 15 minutes I had the cytology report, which stated that there was unequivocally (apparently) no cancer in either spot.  What a relief!  I'm still having an MRI on Friday, though, to make sure there are no other "spots."

So, so far so good.  A lot has happened since I last posted regularly.  Times have been tough.  We lost a family member, and life can never be the same. 

I've been processing all of my new knowledge and trying to decide what to do.  At first I got in the mode of thinking, "I'm dying, I'm dying."  But after awhile you start to realize that you're going to keep living until you're dead.  Life won't ever be the same, but you can make your peace with the New Normal.  

I know now that I won't be going out of this world with all the same parts I came in with.  The question isn't "if," but "when" to have the surgeries.  This sucks, but cancer sucks harder.  Now if I say, "I'm probably going to get cancer," it's not because I'm being pessimistic/fatalistic.  The odds are actually stacked against me!  So I will wait as long as I need to and think I can, and then I will do what I have to to become a "previvor," someone who survives cancer by preventing it from starting.

Also since I quit writing, Max has become quite the walker (and talker!).  It (the walking) actually happened on the day I found out I was a carrier of the gene.  A few hours later, he just stood up and started walking.  The next day, he was walking across the room, and now he is walking everywhere!

So, barring any more bad news I might have to process, I will try my best to rejoin the living.